Facing Reality

We all reach points in life, where we are forced to confront and accept certain realities. We must realize that some things we can change, others will always be untouchable. We learn that black and white is just an expression and not really what life is like...except when it is. Except when what you receive in life and how easy others make it for you depends on the color of your skin. Or where you live or how you dress, how much money you have, or what your sexual orientation is.

Am I really writing this? Yes. And it makes me want to throw something, to cry, to laugh, to just lay down and never get back up, to scream at the top of my lungs until someone hears me and LOOKS. Because how many people really look these days? Beyond the next bargain buy, or latest bit of TV gossip, or whatever is going on in their own narrowly-focused lives? Living has made us blind, if you can even call it living.

I was at a wedding a few days ago and the whole time, I was distracted thinking about how young the couple was, why they thought they had to rush into marriage, how much of their reasonings were based on actual opinion and how much on what they had been socialized into thinking. Even more than that, I thought about my sister. About whether she was thinking about herself and her girlfriend, whether what we were looking at could ever be something that happened in her future, between her and the woman she loved. And it hurt, that it was something to be thought of idealistically and not realistically.

I want to hold her to me, to wrap my arms around her and never let go. I want to be the shield that takes any blows the world has to offer. And I want to be the sword. But both are impossible. Because I love her, I have to let her live, have to let her shield and defend herself all by herself. And that makes me want to kick the world's ass. Again...impossible. What is possible is her becoming stronger and me learning how to let go...eventually. And believe it or not, I still believe that it is possible for the world to mellow and become more loving. Because that is what I pray for, what I wish for with all my heart, for my sister, myself, and everyone in this world that needs acceptance.