I knew things were going to change...

but not like this. I feel like screaming, like crying, like shaking her. But what would that solve? And the worst part, is I don't think she even knows she's hurting me.

I'm angry at myself more than anything. For not being prepared, for being selfish enough to be even a little bit jealous. For hurting. Things would be so much easier if I could keep myself from hurting.

Family is everything. When they hurt, I hurt. When they hurt me...it feels like betrayal, made all the worse by knowing that because they are family, you have to forgive. To forget.

Is this how it's going to be? We both find other things/people to occupy our time and just ignore the connection that means so much to both of us? I would have said that was impossible, yet she seems to be proving me wrong. She's the bird, the one eager to get away and spread her wings. I love her for that, for her free spirit and endless optimism...I never knew those same qualities could make me want to hate her for so easily starting to leave me behind.

This is stupid. Melodramatic rantings of an insecure mind. But I needed it.