Wishing Upon Stars

I've always tried so hard to convince myself and others of how serious I am, how grounded and mature. In the past, it was difficult, because I was still very much a child and very much in love with everything above and beyond the ground. I looked to the stars. I dreamed. For awhile, I was convinced that such things were dangerous and frivolous. How wrong I was. I realize now that maturity and, more importantly, wisdom come to those who completely accept themselves for who they are. Those that love themselves unconditionally. Because you can only love and do for others when you learn to love and do for yourself. Unorthodox? Not really. The sages across all cultures have been preaching and teaching of such for ages.

I am in love with fantasy. I look up at the night sky and get a lump in my throat at the wonder, the majesty of a horizon saturated with stars, the glowing yet quiet brilliance of the moon. I find God in those moments. And I realize that the reason has a lot to do with the fact that it is in those moments that I let all my walls down and release the part of me that is still very much a child. I am starting to learn how to love that part of myself again. Instead of blaming her for what happened to her, to me.

I don't know if I will ever figure myself out, not completely. So many sides, so many hidden depths. I am still blind to myself at times. But that, again, is okay. Because it is about time I focused and cherished the journey instead of unknown and distant endpoints. I want to be in love with the experience of life, not obsessed with and disappointed by trying to unlock its meaning.


"I don't believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive."
Joseph Campbell