Ghosts

It was only ever supposed to be my pain. The truth in this statement, in my mind, in my heart...horrifies me. But it's true, nonetheless. Years have gone by, and the pain has withdrawn into a single, dully throbbing ache located somewhere in my heart. I no longer spend endless moments reflecting on it, only slightly more time reflecting on him. The past I have yet to stop falling prey to. Somehow, I've separated the two. There is him...and then there is all the rest.

Now I've invited another ghost, without meaning to, without ever wanting to. Another sad-eyed, lost little girl. There's a part of me that wants to be selfish and push her out, not wanting the added burden. Haven't I hurt enough? More importantly, haven't I suffered long enough? But she looks at me, and I am lost. All my feeble excuses and pitiful illusions melted into nothing. Just one glance. That's all it takes for me to realize just how successfully I have been deluding myself over the years. Because she is me...and yet not. So tragically similar, yet her own person, with her own story, her own ghosts, perhaps even her own hidden balls of hurt. I thought I was alone in this darkness. What to do?

And somehow, without my meaning to, without a thought for what I thought I wanted or needed, the little girl inside me, the one I keep locked away and lost in the darkest corner of this cavern, steps forward and takes the other girl's hand. No words are needed. And I'm the one left behind as the two disappear into the cavern, which is what I wanted, yet now...I'm the one that feels lost.